You're So Vain
by Captain Oz
Summary: Sirius drags Remus to a gay bar... Yup, slash, with a very fluffy ending. Go on, read. You know you want to...


**Another fic I'm taking lyrics out of. Yay.**

**This fic (I know I should be writing one of the others, but hey) came out of the fact I was listening to You're So Vain before putting it on my mp3 player. So blame the newspaper for giving us free CDs.**

**This one is dedicated to- Lykaios Nyx (because she's a wonderful person who puts up with me), butterflywings32 (another one who puts up with me ;), KawaiiMegami86 (for helping with Latin and reviewing a lot), and carpe-nox-sulum-nox (for reviewing everything I write). Mwha!**

"No." Remus carried on reading his book. "I won't go."

"Go on, Rem. Please?" Sirius perched on the arm of the chair. His chair, really, but since Remus had moved in with him two months earlier it had become 'Rem's reading chair'. "It's a great bar, you'll really enjoy it…"

Remus lowered his book. "It's just going to be another one of those bars where the alcohol would kill an elephant. No thanks."

"Wrong! This place is upmarket. It has one of these weird Muggle thingies, a 'karrie and okie' thing."

Remus sighed, trying to avoid looking at Sirius' puppy dog eyes and pouting lips. "You'll just abandon me at the bar and go off to find someone. Why can't you Floo James to go with you?"

Sirius began to play with Remus' hair. "He won't go into those bars," he said distractedly.

"Ah. A gay bar. And I'm the only one mug enough to go with you."

"Remmie, it'll be fun. I'll tell the guys not to hit on you. What else are you going to do? Sit around at home reading another boring book?" Sirius snatched the book from Remus' hand and stood above him, dangling it just out of reach of Remus' hands. Remus put his hands on his hips and glared. Sirius grinned. "Come with me or the book goes in the fire."

"I have nothing to wear."

Sirius frowned. "Of course you do. Those tight jeans, and the shirt."

"Siri, the jeans are about two sizes too small. I can barely walk in them!"

Sirius smirked. "But they make your ass look good."

Remus hit him on the arm, and walked out of the room, calling behind him as he left. "The no chatting up rule applies to you too."

---

Remus looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't know why he gave in when Sirius pestered him. The others always seemed to be able to resist Mr Black's charms, but Remus eventually caved every single time. A gay karaoke bar. It wasn't the first time they'd gone to a gay bar together. James refused point blank to step inside, saying that whoever Sirius wanted to shag was his own business, but he wasn't going to be flirted with by other men, or even thought about in that way. Peter was out of the question, Sirius hated to be alone in his company for more than five minutes. So Remus ended up as escort. He didn't mind going into the bars- it intrigued him to see how people who were open about their sexuality acted. Remus sometimes wished he could live like that, but no one knew about his sexuality. Not even Sirius, and they'd been living together for the best part of eight years, only apart for a maximum of two months.

Maybe that was why he gave in. Remus stared at his reflection, willing it to give him answers. Maybe he was hoping that Sirius would figure it out, and then he'd have this massive secret relieved slightly. But then, Sirius probably couldn't see that anything was hidden. For him, being gay was fine. He couldn't see it as Remus did- another way of being different, another thing to mark him out as a freak.

Remus pulled his hair into a little ponytail, grimacing as the inevitable strands escaped to wisp around his face. He wished Sirius could know, because then he might see Remus as more than just a friend.

There was a knock at the door. "Come in," Remus called. Sirius stuck his head round, grinning.

"Looking good, Rem."

"I hate my hair. It needs a cut."

Sirius walked in to stand behind Remus, who caught his breath at the proximity of his friend's body. "I like it that length. It softens your face, makes you look vulnerable."

"That's all I need." Remus laughed, and stepped to the side so that when he turned he wasn't pressed against Sirius. He raised an eyebrow. "A scarf?"

Sirius wrapped it around his neck and struck a pose. "I think it makes me look… sexy." He threw his arm around Remus' shoulders. "I need something to liven the outfit up. Black is all very well, and I know it suits me, but sometimes it needs colour."

"But orange?"

"It's apricot, and I like it." Sirius pouted, and Remus pushed him off, laughing. "Come on, we're going."

"On the bike?"

"How else?"

---

They pulled up outside a bar on one of the side streets, a long queue waiting outside. Mostly male, with a few women. Sirius took off his helmet and put a hat on, tipping it so that it hung over one eye. He put his arm around Remus and walked them to the front of the queue.

"Hey, look at us." Sirius pointed to the blacked out window and their reflection. "We look good together."

Remus rolled his eyes. "That's great. I look good with my gay best friend."

Sirius laughed, and nodded at the bouncer. "Charlie."

"Sirius. This your boyfriend?"

"Yeah. Ain't he cute?"

Remus sighed. "Sirius Black, take your arm off me."

Sirius winked at the bouncer. "He isn't used to public affection."

"Take your arm off me or I will rip it off and beat you to death with it."

"Aw, that's my little Moony. Can we go in?"

Charlie nodded. "Sure. Karaoke starts at nine."

They walked into the club. Even at this relatively early hour it was packed, a heaving mass of writhing bodies. Sirius elbowed his way through the crowd to the bar and lifted Remus up onto a stool.

Remus sighed. "Siri, I am capable of climbing onto a bar stool. I may be short, but I'm not a midget."

Sirius smiled dazzlingly, and gestured to the barman. "A pina colada and scotch on the rocks." He turned so that he was leaning against the bar. "Isn't this great?"

"Yes. I can barely think of a better way to spend my evening."

"Sarcasm noted and ignored." Sirius picked up his drink and sipped it. "This makes me feel alive, Moony. It's amazing." Remus drank his whisky, staring at Sirius. He did look alive, so vibrant and vivacious and _Sirius_. His cheeks were flushed slightly, and his lips were parted. He turned suddenly, and Remus took a huge gulp of his drink to hide the fact that he'd been staring. "I'll get someone to sit with you."

Remus glared out at the dance floor, finally alone. Why did Sirius have to pity him and find a chaperone? Why couldn't Sirius do it? Because Sirius wanted, needed, to dance, and without someone there Remus would be propositioned by every guy in the place.

"Um, hi?" Remus turned, to see a man of average height with dark brown hair. He smiled. "I'm Will. You must be Remus."

"Hi. Sorry about this. Sirius drags me to these places and then abandons me."

"Same here. Except, of course, it's not Sirius. Who drags me. It's my best friend. Jack."

Remus smiled. "So he's off dancing?"

"Probably found some guy and dragged him off to a corner. That's more like Jack. Well, not a corner. Maybe the toilets, although what they'd be doing in there…"

Remus laughed, and went back to scanning the dancefloor. He could see Sirius, dancing in the midst of a group of people. They were all trying to look as though they were the one he was with, but Remus took some small solace in the fact that Sirius had come here with him. He grimaced suddenly. He knew that he probably wouldn't be the only one to leave with Sirius. He'd pick up some guy, take him home and then shag him while Remus tried to bury himself in the next room.

"So, how long have you been gay?"

Remus choked and stared at Will. "Wha? Wh- I'm not gay, I'm just here with Sirius."

Will smiled. "Remus, I'm good at these things. While you might not be out yet, you are most positively queer. And, unless I'm very much mistaken, you fancy someone out there." He turned. "So, which lucky guy is it?"

"He'd never look at me," Remus whispered. He'd never see this Will again, so why not?

"Come on, Remus, you're gorgeous! Don't worry, I'm not coming on to you, I already found someone."

"Who? Long term relationship?"

Will smiled sadly and swilled his drink around. "No, we've only ever kissed. It's my friend, Jack. He's wonderful. But not 'my type', and he'd rather chew off his own arm than go out with me."

"You never know." Remus put his empty glass back on the bar.

"I highly doubt it. But anyway, who's your guy?"

"Sirius."

Will nodded. "I don't blame you. When he came over earlier, I was kicking myself for feeling about Jack the way I do. He's bloody sexy."

"Yes. And he's everything. Beauty and danger and protectiveness and everything I could ever want or need." Remus stopped.

"And?" Will prompted.

Remus laughed bitterly. "And nothing. He doesn't know I'm gay, and in any case I wouldn't want to just be another notch on his bedpost. He thinks he can have everything. Sex, and no boring relationship in the morning. No thinking about the other person's feelings, worrying if they still like you."

"Maybe you should tell him."

Remus stared into Will's dark brown eyes. "I can't."

"Why not?" Will challenged.

"Because I need him as a friend." Remus sighed, and began to fiddle with the loop on his jeans.

Will put his head on one side. "OK. I have a plan. You get up there and sing a song. If Sirius is smart enough, he'll get what you're trying to say. If not, then everything will be fine."

"What song?"

"You're So Vain."

Remus laughed. "I don't sing. I'm too shy."

---

Remus stared at the microphone in his hands, and wondered exactly how Will had got him up on stage. There had been drinks involved. And now he was up here, about to sing a song which…

The music started, and Remus jumped to stare down at the screen. The words seemed to flow out easily enough, and if he didn't look up then he could pretend he was alone in the room.

His voice sang out. He highly doubted if anyone was listening, but he still couldn't bear to look.

Remus paused, allowing the instrumental to kick in, and looked down. Sirius was stood there, gazing up at him. His lips were slightly parted and a frown line was creasing his forehead. Remus dropped the microphone and leapt down from the stage, pushing his way through the crowd and into the toilets.

He ran into the end cubicle and locked himself in, leaning against the wall and shaking slightly. He wrapped his arms around his body. What the hell had he been thinking? How stupid had he been? Baring his soul like that… it had been idiotic. Sirius didn't want him. Sirius wanted sex, pure sex, from a guy who looked perfect, just like Sirius himself. What Sirius didn't want- didn't need- was a gay werewolf with issues and a scarred body.

"Rem?"

Remus let a cry out as he clapped his hand to his mouth. He didn't want Sirius to be here, he didn't want to see the pity in his eyes as he rejected him.

"Rem? I know you're in here, coz you ran in here." Remus heard Sirius begin to walk along the cubicles, pushing each one open in turn. He looked at the floor, to see Sirius' shoes under the door. "Rem, let me in. Or at least talk to me." Remus stayed silent, shutting his eyes and rocking gently. This wasn't happening, he was dreaming. "Come on! Remus, I need to see you. Fine. Alohomora." The door sprang open, and Remus backed away, his eyes still clenched shut.

"Go away."

"No." Remus couldn't hear Sirius moving. "Why did you sing that song?"

"Bloody Will. He told me to."

"Why that song?"

Remus decided to brazen it out. He stood up straight and opened his eyes, meeting Sirius' gaze. He was looking accusing. "No reason. Will just got me a bit tipsy, told me to sing, and that was the first song they offered me."

"Rem, you were a crap liar when we were at school, and you still are."

"I'm telling the truth, Padders." Remus pushed past Sirius, hoping desperately that the lie was not plainly visible on his face, and trying to ignore the feeling he got when he was close to Sirius.

He walked across to the washbasin, and watched Sirius in the mirror as he washed his hands. He didn't have to wait long for a change. Sirius seemed to shrug, and came to stand next to Remus. He stared at himself in the mirror, checking his makeup. "Ok Rem. Whatever you say. Listen, do you mind if I bring this guy home?"

"Sure." Remus' heart clenched.

"His name's John. He's dead sexy. Should be good for a few hours tonight-"

"Shut up!" Remus snarled. "I don't want to know every single detail! Just take him home, and shag him, and leave me out of it!"

He tried to leave the room, but found Sirius' hands clenching his arms. He refused to look up, staring instead at the floor and their feet. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he was sure Sirius would hear it.

"Remus! I know something's wrong, so tell me. I just want to help you!"

"You can't help." The whisper was agonisingly painful.

Sirius' finger came under Remus' chin and forced it up, staring into his eyes. Remus caught his breath as he saw the perfect red lips, the stormy grey eyes. "I want to. Tell me what's wrong, and I'll do whatever I can."

Remus opened his mouth to tell his secret, and couldn't do it. He wrenched himself away. "I hate you."

The hurt look on Sirius' face brought tears to Remus' eyes, but he pretended that they were tears of rage. "Why?"

"Why? I hate the fact that you look so goddamn perfect every single time I see you. I hate the fact that you bring me to all these stinking bars, and each time you leave me at the bar to watch. I hate the fact that you'll dance with anyone in the whole room except me." Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but Remus carried on. Now that he was saying it, he couldn't stop. "I hate the fact that everyone watches you dancing, when it should be just me who's allowed to think about you like that. I hate the fact that there's a new person in your bed every week, and I have to listen to you in the next room and dream that it could be me. I hate you so much, because I fucking love you, and you can't see that!"

The hot tears had completely clouded Remus' vision, and he sank to his knees. He didn't want to see the look of disgust on Sirius' face.

"Rem? Why did you never tell me?"

"Get out, just get out now."

"No." Remus felt his head being pulled up, and before he could say anything, Sirius was kissing him. It was exactly as he had imagined it. Sirius tasted like nothing he had ever dreamt of. Remus was aware he was moaning, but couldn't be bothered to stop it. Sirius pulled back. "You should've told me earlier. I thought I had no chance."

"Is this just pity?"

Sirius laughed and stroked Remus' hair. "No. Merlin, Rem, I've loved you for years."

"Then why all the other guys?"

Sirius' eyes turned haunted for a moment. "I was trying to get you out of my head."

Remus kissed him lightly. "I suppose you want to get back to John."

"Not a chance." Sirius stood, stretching out. He looked around the room. "Do you think we could have sex in here?"

Remus stood, wiping the tears from his face. "I'd rather not." Sirius' face made him laugh. "I didn't say we couldn't do it at home…"

---

As they ran through the club, hand in hand, Remus couldn't resist calling out to Will. "Tell Jack you love him! He probably loves you!"

**Unforgivably fluffy ending. I apologise. I'm trying to cheer myself up.**


End file.
